Retrospective - LSAT (Part 2)

Last week in Part One of my "Retrospective - LSAT" story, I gave you guys the beginning of the journey and how the complicated relationship I had with the LSAT exam started.

Soooo.......

After meeting with my department head and getting the encouragement to give law school one more try, I started the necessary steps needed to take the LSAT.  

Now finding a prep course was the tricky part.  I didn't go the normal route (Kaplan and Princeton Review) because I known several individuals who used them and did not get the results they desired (whose fault that is, I don't know).  After looking around and doing research, I found courses being taught at Emory and Georgia State.  They both were being taught by the same individual!!  After I goggled him, I decided that he was the one I wanted to go with.  I picked a class section, paid for it, submitted my reimbursement sheet to HR, and waited for the class to start.

Two months later......  Classes begun.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays I was going to Georgia State University for my LSAT prep course.  THANK GOD I went with this prep course.  The teacher was funny and very much down to earth and really took the time to help everyone learn the tricks and the trade behind the LSAT.  It was him that inform me that there was no such thing as "studying" for the LSAT, instead we need to start "practicing" it.  Going to class was wonderful!  I loved parking in the parking garage near the school (because I stop parking where they told us - it was too expensive) and walking towards the school.  I started picturing myself actually being in school coming there for my classes.  I was really speaking it into existence!!!!

Being in class was great, it was trying to "practice" outside class that was the kicker....  For some reason I could not get it together to pick up any of the LSAT material outside of the class setting.  It was NOT for the lack of trying.  I definitely tried, but something was mentally holding me back.  I started to feel a lot of pressure to make sure that I do well on the exam.  To many people from my job knew what I was doing  and I kept thinking that if I mess this up, everybody is going to know and I will fall right into the hands of some of the individuals I work with (some were actually wanting me to fail).  I am really hard on myself and nothing I was doing was enough.  Studying.....I mean practicing for this exam really had my head gone.  I would basically get up on Saturdays, drive to the library (had too many distractions at home), find an area and get comfortable, open up the book, and basically break down.  Random people coming to my cube asking is everything is okay, and honestly I didn't know if everything was okay.  I could not for the life of me understand what was going on. 

So as I sit at the library (or coffee shop or bookstore), trying my damnest to hide that fact that I am having a mental break down in public, I am thinking to myself, "What the hell is going on?"   I decided that it was time to see someone. 

I found a therapist and after several sessions, we (okay she) came to the conclusion that I was not afraid of failure, but afraid of success.  She found that I knew that I was a brilliant individual and could do anything I want if I put my mind to it, but if putting my mind towards something is going to take me outside of my comfort zone, I am (and will and have) going to self sabotage myself!!!  DING DING DING!!!

This is EXACTLY what I did in law school!!!

So after several assignments given by her for me to do, I became comfortable embracing actually doing the things I want to do in life.   After getting to the real reason for why I could not pick up the LSAT book outside of the classroom, practicing for the LSAT got a little easier to do. I actually started understanding what I was doing. 

Some may say, "Wow you went through all that just with the test!  What is wrong with you?"  It was not about the test, I was basically doing the same thing I did in law school six years ago.  I needed to go through that journey so that I could get the help I needed so that when I start law school in less than 40 days, I will not get another letter in January saying that I have flunked out!!!

Retrospective - LSAT (Part 1)

Last year this time I had just took the LSAT and was waiting for the results!! 

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!!!

My history with the LSAT is a long and complicated relationship.  Some people like to say that they had a love/hate relationship with it.  Not me, I have a hate/hate relationship with the sucka!!

Back when I was a junior in college (2002/2003) and decided that law school was the next step in my quest for world domination (okay maybe that was too much LOL), I headed to the Internet to see what steps I needed to take in order to attend law school.  I obtain this wonderful timeline (which is a great thing for planners) and one of the first items was this thing called "Law School Admissions Test".  So me being the nerd that I am, I read up on EVERYTHING LSAT and headed to the book store to obtain a LSAT study book. 

In January 2003, I went to the LSAC website and registered for the June 2003 exam.  When did I decide to study for this exam?  TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE EXAM!!!!  I didn't know this back then, but there is NO SUCH THING as studying for this exam.  Nevertheless I aced it!!  Well...... not necessarily aced it, but I did receive the highest score out of all of the people who I went to college with.  If you know what  I made, I don't know what that says about my college and/or the people that go to it.  LOL!!

Sooooo five years later in 2008, I decided that I am really serious about going back to law school.  I did my due diligence and found out that I needed to take the exam again.  Once again I registered for the exam and once again I did NOTHING to prepare myself.  I convinced myself that I was ready to ace this exam.

I was like, "Hey!  I didn't prepare myself last time and I did okay, I should be okay this time. Right?"

No.  I did horrible,  actually the worst you can do, I did THAT...... I was so ashamed of myself and was actually convincing myself that it was time to give up this law school dream and move on to something else.

In the beginning of 2009, I was having my "annual work evaluation" meeting, and the new person over my department wanted to know a little about me.  After the obvious things (family, college, hobbies), we went on to discuss my short attendance in law school.  I went on to give her the scripted version (I had a lot things going on at the time and I decided to just sit out for awhile), but for some reason she could sense the bulls**t.  Without saying that I was a liar, she made me comfortable enough with her that for the first time I was honest and could actually say it out loud, "I flunked out of law school".

Then she said something that just clicked, but for some reason, I cannot remember the exact quote, LOL!!  All I can say is that after that meeting I came out with a new mind frame! Especially since she offered to pay (well have the company pay) for me to take the exam AGAIN and to pay for a prep course.  I never had someone (outside of family and friends) have such confidence in me.

Now this is when my journey REALLY BEGAN....

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO!!!!