The Week "END" Review! 8-29-10

Last week's post, after reading it, was very depressing, and after actually picking up the book and reading.  It was not so bad.  I guess I just had a bad case of nerves.

We had our first “official” week of school and I did not start on the right foot because I did not get the appropriate amount of sleep (because I procrastinated and didn’t start studying until 5pm) so by the time I left work and made it to class, I was exhausted.
Funny story – As I was about to leave work and head to campus to get some reading done before class, my boss asked me did I have my books in the car. After replying yes, he requested that I go get them out of the car and go over the cases with him!!!! At first I was like what????? Nevertheless I am so grateful that he took interest because he really help me understand the cases and I felt like, “Ok I think I can do this.” I felt like I comprehended the material and actually went to class with confidence.

I am becoming more confident that I will do well my first semester.  Now that my mental state is getting better, I need to start focusing on my procrastination.  This needs to be eliminated before next weekend.  It is a problem that I am glad I am noticing now.  At the beginning of the week I was thinking that maybe working and going to school is not the best thing for me, but I am wrong.  I am learning a lot at work and all I really need to do is use my time wisely (and truthfully I am not).

OHHHH...  This week has been interesting in the money department.  I try to remain as discrete as possible because I do not want ANYTHING coming back to haunt me, but I can officially say I HATE THE FINANCIAL AID DEPARTMENT.  I just want someone to explain to me how can I do everything in a timely (no EARLY) fashion, and every step of the way I have had issues.  It came to a point this week that it distracted me from concentrating in a seminar that I was attending.  Thank goodness I have a job making a little money or I would be up the street.  The sad thing is that I still don't have my money and don't even know when I am going to get it.  SMH.......

Lastly, a "blast from my past" came to town this weekend.  It was a pleasant surprise to say the least.  It made me aware of how I want a relationship, but how right now..... it would not be possible.  How selfish would I be to try and start something now?  I barely can find time during the week to eat dinner and then my weekends (should) consist of studying.  It would be impossible. 

Next weekend is Labor Day weekend and I wanting to use those THREE days to read ahead and get on the ball. 

Wish me luck!!!

The Week "END" Review! 8-22-10

This week has been the accumulation of six years of anguish, depression, recovery, determination, and redemption. For the past six years, I have been a walking zombie of sorts. Not knowing where I was going or what to do. Just aimlessly roaming here on this planet. Finally, I feel that I am on the path to something; I have a realistic view on my future and not changing it every other year. Knowing that even me is worthy of second chances.

Even with all of this, this week I have came across the same obstacles I encounter six years ago. I am having a hard time picking up the books to even open them up and start to read them. IT’S WEEK ONE PEOPLE and I am stressing over if I can comprehend the material!! It is strange that I can stress over something that has not even happened yet. It is strange that even before opening up a book, I already “assume” that I am not going to comprehend the material. I really need to talk to someone and see why I am like this.

Why did I do all of this (working on myself, reapplying to law school, and being accepted) to only revert right back to the very thing that made me fail? I truly believed that I had changed. Six years ago I didn’t know I had this problem, I didn’t know at the time that I was unconsciously setting myself up for failure because I stepping outside of my comfort zone, now coming into this situation KNOWING that my fear of failure is basically paralyzing me, I don’t know how to fix it.

I do know that it has nothing to do with law school personally; I am dealing with this on my quest to weight lost also.

In a couple of hours, I am going to try ONCE AGAIN, to open up my contract book, read the two chapters I scheduled myself to read and brief the cases inside of these chapters. Then on to Criminal law where I plan to read the first 100 pages and brief cases associated with these pages, then to Legal Writing and Legal Research.

Wish me luck.

Weight Wednesdays - The Insanity Workout

I first found out about Insanity from not being able to sleep one night, there was nothing on TV so when the infomercial caught my attention, I watched it. When finding out it was from the same people who created P90X (which I have and highly recommend to people) and that I had two sorority sisters who did it and received excellent results because of it, I knew I had to have it.

At first I thought I was apart of a great secret (I love feeling like I know of something nobody else knows about), but what I didn’t know was that it very popular and getting more popular by word of mouth.

From the information I have, Shaun T (the person who created it) uses a technique called “Max Interval Training”. You are (in my opinion) basically working out at an extreme pace for a period of time (because to me there is not even a warm up!) and then you take this very short (maybe 30 seconds) break before you start the routine again, this time FASTER!!!! Then once again you take another short break and for the third time, YOU GO EVEN FASTER! Insane huh? My thoughts exactly!

The workout is 60 days long (I officially started Monday, 8/9/10), and being that today is day three, I have no comment other than it is hard as hell and I really am going to have to pray in order to get to the finish line. I keep thinking that I really need to get in shape and get to my desired weight. However, sometime just thinking that is not enough.

With an average of 40 minutes for the first 60 days and an hour the second 60 days, I realize that in order to get the full affect of the workout, I will have to do them first thing in the morning. Maybe it will provide me with the boost I am going to need throughout the day.

I been thinking that I should have started the program at the beginning of the summer so that I could have it finish by now. Now I feel that I am adding this extremely hard workout regime to my schedule as well as work and school. Nevertheless, that is water under the bridge and it is not as if I want to wait and do it after the semester is over. Maybe this is just the thing to keep me focus and my mind off unnecessary (men) things. Wake up, work out, go to work, go to class, study, come home, shower, and go to bed. PERFECT…..

Now what I am sure of is that I am nowhere near physically ready to be doing this workout. Remember, I was waking up tired, but my mission this first go round (yes I am probably going to do this workout regime the entire semester) is to just get through the workout each day. I am not trying to actually “be” Shaun T or the people on the video. If I do that, I will burn out fast and eventually quit (like I done with the P90X). My focus the first round is to learn the moves accurately and gain more energy and stamina. If I do not do it this way, I will bite off more than I can chew and quit.

This the closest I could find to my body type.  Hopefully I get the same (or better) results as she did!

The Week "END" Review! 8-15-10

Well well well........  This week has truly been a roller coaster ride for me!!!!

It started Monday, major drama with the school and with my financial aid.  OMG!!!  What is the purpose of doing everything in a timely fashion when the school and/or administration is not doing what they need to do?? 

Tuesday I received the last of all my books.

By Wednesday, all was good again (regarding financial aid/registration) and then my focus was on the Orientation.

Thursday I was a nervous wreck.  Everyone (family and friends) kept laughing and picking with me saying, "Why are you nervous? Its only orientation!!"  When I made it there it felt like......wow.....I was sitting in this same spot SIX YEARS AGO!  It made me even more aware of what I need to do. 

Friday I caught up with my brother from another mother and was really glad I saw him before he left town and before school.

Saturday.........  I got a tattoo!!! I been wanting one since high school and thank goodness I did not get one then!!!  They would have been real hood and ghetto if I would have got one then.  I always had this thing that I had to think about it for one entire year and if I still wanted it, I would get it.  Well from ages 18-25/26, I could never like the same thing for the entire year.  However for a year and a half, I have really been wanting a particular thing in a particular area.  Yesterday as I was driving, it dawned on me, "it's now or never".  I don't know if it was a good "lawyer" move, but that's what makeup, watches, and bracelets are for!!

I went by myself and just took in the moment. 

I have a new job, how is this going to affect school?

As stated in a previous post, I have been blessed to obtain new employment. It is nothing special, but it is a great stepping-stone to finding a better position once I am out of law school. There are many people asking why am I working and going to school at the same time? There are tons of reasons (well really just three):

1. I cannot afford not to work.
2. I need to work on eliminating debt in order to take the bar. I am not trying to do this on a student loan salary.
3. I have monthly expenses that cannot be taken care of with a semester student loan check.

My problem with the new job is not the job itself, but becoming acclimated to the new settings. I know everyone is nervous when they have a new job, but have anxiety problems. Even after 5-6 months of working, I have extreme bouts of anxiety. It’s pretty bad and it has affects on my performance.

So actually, I need to be acclimated to not only the job, but to working and going to school at the same time. Which means that I have a tough battle ahead of me, but I am not only determine to win this battle, but win the war --- GETTING THROUGH FIRST SEMESTER.

In order to work AND go to school, I need to start right away setting myself up right and on the good foot.

• Learn the ways of law school and the campus. I do not plan to hesitate to ask any question no matter how stupid it may sound to me or the person I am asking. I am getting to the maturity level that I starting not care how smart (intellectual) I sound. The focus is to get through the first semester. I know if I can get through the first, I can graduate!
• Getting to know the administrative staff. Someone I really respect, told me the best folks to get to know is the administrative /support. I have seen how people often mistreat them and later pay for it when these same people go to them for help. These individuals always knows the “who’s who”.
• Maintaining “to-do” lists. From previous posts, I have expressed how much of a “planner” I am. Being that I will be working and going to school, to-do lists are going to be vital. If I do not have one, I will feel like my brain is scattered. NOT A GOOD FEELING.
• Schedule “me time”. FRIDAYS will be my day. NO STUDYING. I plan to use this time to do whatever I want to do. If this means lying in bed all evening after work, that’s what I am going to do. Catching up with DVR shows, reading, blogging, happy hours, talking on the phone with family/friends, etc. Basically even with the heavy schedule I am about to face, I still have to insert some me time in there or I am going to go crazy!!

So what about you? Do any of you have any tips you want to share?

The Week "END" Review! 8-8-10

This week (and last) has been uneventful.  Just getting comfortable and settled into my new job. 

Enjoying the last couple of days I have left before they are consumed with reading and briefing cases. 

Enjoying eating what I want and being lazy before I start the Insanity workout.

Basically this week is my final week of freedom. 

Thursday night I have orientation and to say that I am nervous is an understatement.  I went to a political function last week and while mingling with attorneys, one in particular informed me that this years incoming 1L class was double the size they usually have.  Then they went on to say, "Please be on it, because with a size like that, they will be flunking people left and right."  WTF!!!!  That is not what I needed to hear!!

Now my nerves are really bad.  I am going to use Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday reading over the material they gave us.  We will be placed in groups during some part of orientation and have to discuss each situation.  I think that there are a total of 7, so I will read three tomorrow and two the other nights.

Wish me luck and next Sunday I will be back to tell you about orientation!!!

Weight Wednesdays

On Friday, I discussed that I was working on the following items:

1. Faith
2. A positive attitude
3. Good Health
4. Financial Security.

This post will focus on developing good and better health. I am on a mission to not only to lose weight, but also get in shape. Earlier in life (just like many females) I was extremely skinny and being black, that was not a good thing. Being a senior in high school weighing 90-95 pounds and being 4’11, the only thing I had going for myself was big boobs. I desperately wanted curves and ass like everyone else. After graduating college, I was at a good 110 pounds. Even with the 10-15 pound gain, I still gained no curves and ass. Just a stick with tits……. I did not start to gain weight until January 2004…….hmmmm…..this was at the time I found out that I flunked. Connection???? Maybe so…

Now 6 ½ years later, I have ballooned to 150 pounds!!! Ten years ago this time I was preparing to leave for college any day weighing maybe 95 pounds and stressing because I could not find jeans sized 00. Being that I am 150 pounds, I swear that 10-15 of it is breast, matter of fact, an old doctor of mine told me it was. I was telling him that I wanted to lose weight and he stated, “well only aim for 10 pounds because your breast is at least 10 pounds because of their size.” I cannot believe I have let myself get this way. Now I am in no way fat or anything of that nature, but I am completely unsatisfied with my body and if I am not happy, it is going to project out and cause stress. This is the very thing that is happening. I know my issues with my weight are causing me to make horrible choices in men. However, that is another story for another post.

Now not only am I (in my and BMI opinion) overweight, but I am so out of shape that it is ridiculous. It is as if I wake up feeling tired. I seriously thought something was wrong me because I will lose breathe with just walking a couple of steps or walking up ONE flight of stairs. I was scared. Nevertheless seeing a doctor, I found out that I am anemic. Therefore, now that I have that in order and no longer stressing that something is wrong, I can focus of becoming better health wise.

How am I going to become healthier? By eating better, eliminating fast food and sodas, taking my iron pills for my anemia, taking vitamins, and………..

The Insanity Workout!!

(more on that next week…)